CBI Blogs

Dear Friends,

For my blog post this week, I want to build upon the thoughtful entries that Rabbi Levy and Sarah Avner posted two weeks ago and last week, respectively. Rabbi Levy spoke of Cheshbon Hanefesh, the ethical and spiritual self inventory that is the focus of this month of Elul, leading up to Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

Building on this theme of spiritual inventory, Sarah Avner urged us to acknowledge the ethnic, cultural and racial diversity of the contemporary Jewish community, being careful not to "other" a visitor to Congregation Beth Israel – even out of friendly intentions – because they don't meet our stereotypical expectation of "how a Jew looks or behaves."

I'll give you a specific example that I offered in a High Holy Day sermon a number of years ago. Let’s imagine that I happen to notice a person of color sitting not far from me on a Friday night at Shabbat services. This person seems conversant with the service, participating knowledgeably and enthusiastically.

I approach them at the reception, smile, shake their hand and welcome them. And after some small talk, I say, "I bet you have an interesting story to tell."

What seems to me in that moment as friendly banter, as "getting to know someone," is in fact likely to make that person feel awkward at best, and attacked at worst. My seemingly benign comment gave that person the message that, "You don't look like you belong here." What a terrible message to give to someone who is new to the community. Similarly, asking a person of color when they converted to Judaism falls into the category of labeling someone as "not a normal Jew."

Here's my suggestion for preventing oneself from inadvertently saying something hurtful in this situation. It's quite simple, really. Ask yourself, "Is there any reason to say this thing, or to ask this question, beyond satisfying my own curiosity?" If the answer is no, if it’s really about my urge to know something about someone who doesn't meet my expectations, I can remind myself that this encounter is not about meeting my own needs or satisfying my own curiosity, but about blessing someone with unconditional welcome and positive regard.

When I approach a stranger or a newcomer at services, I am an ambassador of my community. Helping someone to feel embraced, accepted and welcomed should be my chief kavvanah (Hebrew for spiritual intention).

This is worthy spiritual work for us to do, as individuals and with the kavvanah of striving to be an exceptionally welcoming and embracing synagogue.

Thank you for helping us to do this important work, now and always.

Rabbi Steve Folberg