CBI Blogs

September 8, 2024/5 Elul 5784
Rabbi Daniel Kirzane

Repentance and forgiveness form a two-way street, and during Elul, we’re encouraged to walk in both directions. 

Repentance entails knowing we’ve done wrong, changing ourselves to avoid doing wrong again, trying to “make up” for what we’ve done, and reaching out to those we’ve harmed to apologize or make peace. Forgiveness entails identifying the ways in which we’ve been hurt, recognizing the weight those injuries continue to bear on us, and choosing to release those burdens.

Strikingly, each of these processes can be independent of the other. I can conduct genuine repentance even if the person I’ve harmed chooses not to forgive me or let go of what I’ve done. I can also forgive someone and release their harms against me even if they haven’t repented or apologized. Ideally, repentance and forgiveness go hand-in-hand, but they don’t have to.

The miracle and magic of both of these endeavors is that the rift between people is healed without anyone ever saying or implying “it’s okay.” In fact, both repentance and forgiveness require affirming “it’s not okay, but I want to make peace anyway.” The desire for the right relationship pulls us closer together when actions of injury or offense have pulled us away, and this yearning to rejoin is the heart of peacemaking during this holy period. 

May our paths down both directions on this year’s journey bring us closer to the ones we love.