CBI Blogs

September 19, 2024/16 Elul 5784
Rabbi Neal Katz

During Elul, I like to meditate on a beautiful teaching from the Torah that reminds me of my smallness.

In Genesis, as our ancestor Jacob prepared to meet his estranged brother, Esau – for what he presumed would be a battle, Jacob prayed to God:

“קָטֹנְתִּי מִכֹּל הַחֲסָדִים וּמִכׇּל־הָאֱמֶת אֲשֶׁר עָשִׂיתָ אֶת־עַבְדֶּךָ”
“I am unworthy of all the kindness that You have so steadfastly shown Your servant”
(Genesis 32:11)

What a beautiful word in Hebrew: katonti. It could be translated literally as “I am small,” (from katan) but a better rendering is “I am unworthy.”

Soon after this exclamation, Jacob wrestles with an angel/God/his inner struggle and emerges with a new name: Yisrael. Growth and strength come AFTER admitting smallness and humility.

Katonti teaches us that at all times, we stand before God and must acknowledge our smallness. It is from this perspective of humility that we can grow as people. If I stand before God and proclaim that I am already the greatest person I can be, where is the room to grow? There is none.

And so, humility before God allows us to refocus our perspective to see that we are indeed small. We always have room for growth.

This was true for Jacob, and it can serve as a model for how to heal struggles in our own lives. As we encounter rifts, let us first acknowledge our smallness. And with humility and perspective, may we strive toward healing, strength, and wholeness.